Mirror Mirror

I am 24 years old, and I am THE healthiest I have ever been. 

I am also the most self conscious I've ever been.

I don't know quite when it happened.

I've always been a really confident person! 

I've always had a great body image--despite being plus size since middle school.

I've always loved life and myself.

Then one day...something changed.

I couldn't tell you when it happened, but I do know that it did.

Last night I was in bed with my husband, CRYING my eyes out. 

I weigh myself up to 5 times a day.

I look in the mirror every morning and scrutinize my body.

I take every glance someone gives me and take it as direct criticism.

I don't eat greasy, fast, or fried food.

I take supplements.

I eat vegetables at every meal.

I don't eat dairy, or wheat.

I drink half my weight in water.

I eat as cleanly as I can.

This morning I woke up, went to weigh myself as is my routine--but something was different.

 Something was missing.

My scale was gone.

My "weight chart" was gone.

My life seemed off balance.

Then, it seemed at peace.

Just for a moment, I felt relieved. 

Joe and I made a deal last night.

I won't step on a scale again until my birthday.

I'm going to continue living my healthy lifestyle.

I'm not going to continue the unhealthy habits. 

I've gotta learn to love my whole self again.

One day at a time.

Homemade Balsamic Vinegar Dressing

I love homemade stuff.

For one, it saves money.

For two, I like knowing what is going into my body--no foreign ingredients when you make it yourself!

For three, I enjoy making things myself.

The other day we ran out of our balsamic vinegar dressing and I got to thinking....

"I could probably make this myself and save money...can't be that hard, right?"

It's not. 

It's so easy.

First off, buy some balsamic vinegar. I bought the organic kind--it's cheap and organic (which is important to me)--but buy whatever your heart desires.

If you buy the expensive stuff it will taste better and less like vinegar.

If you buy the cheap stuff you can boil it down and you won't be able to tell the difference.

OR you can add some brown sugar to help with the taste.
OR if you like the taste of vinegar--don't do anything. I didn't because I like the tangy taste that vinegar gives.

With all that being said, this is my recipe!

1/2 cup balsamic vinegar (or 1 cup boiled down to a 1/2 cup)
1/4 cup of grape seed oil*
2 teaspoons no sugar added dijon mustard

Put all ingredients into a container. (I used a wide mouth pint sized mason jar)
Shake.

THAT'S IT.
Seriously.
It's that easy.
And it's delicious!

Now I mentioned you could add brown sugar if it was too sour/vinegary for you--if so, add 1-2 teaspoons of brown sugar.
You can also add some spices if you want--but I'm all for simplicity.
*You may use other oils--but DON'T use olive oil. It will not taste as good if you do. Safflower, sunflower and avocado oils are other good choice. Coconut oil is not a good option because it will become a solid in the refrigerator.

Enjoy!

xoxo

Books Nourish my Thirsty Soul

I have always been a reader. 

I've always loved books and the places they could take me. 

I've always loved the characters that could seem like my best friends--

I knew what they were thinking--

what they were feeling--

I went through their struggles and heartaches with them--

they made mistakes so that I didn't have to--

although sometimes I did make the same ones…often with the same outcome.

I learned life lessons from the characters in so many books.

I don't get the same fulfillment from watching television or movies that I do from reading a book.

My entire body feels the stories I read.

My eyes strain from reading too long--

my head begins to ache because I've been absentmindedly clutching at my hair--

my wrists become sore from resting my chin upon my hand for too long when I've become enthralled by the story--

my body becomes stiff from being in the same unusual position for extended amounts of time.

But my soul? 

My soul….feel nourished.

I am rereading the Harry Potter series and just stayed up finishing the first book.

I have been going through so many ups and downs lately with things going on in my personal life--

and Albus Dumbledore (okay… technically J.K. Rowling) told me exactly what I needed to hear.

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that."

"After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."

"The trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them."

"Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the things itself."

"The truth." "It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution."

The great thing about rereading a book is that each time I do I'm at a different place in my life.

Since I'm on a much different journey now than I was the first time I read this book, (considering things weren't too difficult or thought provoking in middle school) things I just skimmed over before have such greater meanings now. The friendships are what popped out at me before--oh how wonderful it is to have friends that will stand up to you and for you, friends that would risk their lives to save you, friends that would do anything just to make you happy. 

There are so many lessons we learn daily that we probably take for granted.

We get caught up in what is happening on our phones, in school, at work…and forget to live our lives.

We're too busy dreaming about what could be instead of relishing in what is.

Make the most of life and live every moment as a new adventure.

Don't be afraid to conquer your fears face on. (A Voldemort joke for ya!)

Lastly, seek the truth…you may not always like the outcome, but find beauty in the truth. 

It can change your life.

xoxo

Breakfast in a Bacon Bowl

This morning I made the easiest breakfast in a long time.

And it was delicious.

Seriously delicious.

I mean…it's bacon. Real bacon. Not processed turkey bacon.
Of COURSE it's delicious.

This is how I made them!

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Use a muffin tin and wrap bacon around the inside of one muffin holder. 

Cut the bacon where it just begins to overlap and use the extra piece to put on the bottom of the pan to create your cup.

Do this for as many cups as you would like to make.

Place in the oven for 5-7 minutes. You want the bacon to be slightly cooked.

While the bacon is cooking I grabbed a handful of spinach, washed and rinsed it and squeezed all of the excess water out. Then I finely chopped it up. 

Now when it comes out I used a paper towel to get the grease out…but I think next time I'll take the bacon out completely and clean out the grease that has pooled in the bottom, then replace the bacon.

I put enough spinach to cover the bottom of the cups but not to fill them up. Probably halfway full (those who know me know that I don't measure anything..so even paying attention to this is a first for me).

I recommend separating the egg yolks and the whites before starting the next step…it will save you some great headache. Because although you think "surely an entire egg will fit in here…" it won't. It will however create a big gooey mess. 

Add the yolk to the cup and then enough egg white to fill the cup!

Place back in the over for 15 minutes.

Pull out, marvel at the beauty you've just created…and ENJOY!

Season with pepper, paprika, or your favorite spice!
Pair with some fresh fruit and you've got an incredibly easy and clean breakfast.
Oh...and delicious, we can't forget that.



*If you don't like eggs but will eat egg whites--just forgo the yolk all together! It will also make this a little healthier. But I just think if you're wrapping it in bacon, might as well go for the whole egg. ;)

**An easy way to separate the yolks from the whites while keeping the yolks in tact is by using a water bottle. It's super easy and if you're easily amused (like I am) it will be fun, too. 

Just crack the egg in a bowl, take an empty water bottle--squeeze it in the middle and then hover just over the egg yolk. When you release the bottle from your squeeze it will suck up with yolk into the water bottle! After that just squeeze the bottle again, this time over the bacon cup and it will go right in! 

You're welcome. 

xoxo

Time Doesn't Stand Still After All

I'm sure we all wish we could go back in time for one reason or another.

For some it's to fix a mistake.

Others want to take back what they said.

Certain people may just want a second chance.

I just want more time.

I lost my time once before with the first man I ever loved and lost.

I don't want it to happen again.

I wish I would've listened more.

I wish I would've asked him more about what it was like when he grew up.

I wish I would've sat and listened to him talk.

I wish I would've held on to his hugs a little tighter, a little longer.

I wish I would've given him one more kiss before he left.

Luckily I haven't lost my chance yet.

There's STILL time.

Right?

Yet, I don't feel as if it's enough.

Will it ever be enough?

Is it in fact too late?

I can still listen.

I can still talk to him about what it was like when he was growing up.

I can still sit there late at night and listen to him talk.

I can still hug a little tighter, a little longer.

I can still give him one more kiss before he goes.

Right?

Don't take your family for granted.

Life is a precious gift and not a guarantee.

Don't forget to listen.

Don't forget to ask questions.

Don't hesitate to ask them.

They aren't stupid.

You'll feel stupid for not asking them later.

Remember all that time you thought you had?

Where did it all go?

What does it mean now?

I could kick myself for all the times I complained about spending time with family,

For all the times I rolled my eyes when my mom told me to record the stories he was telling,

Even more so when I didn't want to talk to them on the phone.

Who does that?!

I wish I could go back and have more time.

More time to spend at their house, sitting on the floor.

More time on the phone, talking about nothing in particular. 

More time observing.

More time laughing.

Less time rolling my eyes.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what I am missing out on.

Thinking about what I'm missing does me no good.

Crying does me no good.

Being active does a lot of good.

So I'm going to make more time.

Take the time to call your loved ones.

Take the time to ask for advice.

Take the time to talk about the past.

Take the time to listen.

Take the time.

Tell them you love them.

Tell them.

xoxo

That Was a Long Intermission...

So I took a break. 

A LONG break. 

From so much more than just blogging.

I took a break from school.

I took a break from people.

I took a break from bad habits.

I took a break from negative energy.

I took a break from my old self.

I like to think of it as an intermission. 

I had a pretty rough first act, so I took a long intermission to come back strong in my second act.

And now here I am.

What happened during this intermission?

Well you all know I got engaged. (that was my saving grace at the end of the first act) ;) 

I found AdvoCare and lost 30 pounds.

I'm literally a shadow of my former self. I still have a long way to go--but I have come so far from where I was.

I took a few quarters off from school. NO that does not mean that I dropped out. I AM coming back and finishing school. I just had a ton going on and it was a better idea to take a long break than a bunch of short-ish ones and get behind in my classes.

My two best friends got married. But not to each other. My best friend Audriana got married in September, and my very best friend and brother Drew got married in November! 

I became an Aunt! My sweet nephew Jayden was born in August! 

I moved out of my very first apartment.

I moved into my very first house.

I focused my time and energy on friends and family.

I bought my first and very own car!

I found my niche.

I traveled.

I adventured.

I planned.

I opened myself up. 

I made decisions.

I prayed.

I ran. 

I became the very best version of myself.

I  g r e w  u p.

But not too much. ;) 

But don't worry. It's a new year, and I'm back. 

I've got a lot on my mind and a lot to blog about. 

I'll keep you posted. 

xoxo

Knowledge is Power

In 2011 I watched "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead".

If you don't know what that is, watch it. It's so good.

No really, it is. I makes you realize just how bad off we ALL are.

Then, my mom and I decided to juice. 

We had juices for breakfast and lunch and would eat a vegetarian dinner. 

Did we lose weight?

HECK YES.

I lost 15 pounds in 20 days.

I looked awesome.

I felt awesome.

I didn't feel hungry.

I had a little more energy--but nothing crazy.

I did love the weight loss I was experiencing.

Until I gained it all back. Very quickly.

I still juice! I think they are yummy and a great snack.

 I just don't use it as my primary method of weight loss. 

Why?

Well, for one--I learned zero about nutrition when I was juicing.

I wasn't learning what my body needed.

Yes, I was getting a lot of the vitamins and nutrients from the fruits and vegetables I was drinking.

Yes, I wouldn't have normally consumed the amount of fruits and vegetables if I wasn't juicing.

Yes, I was seeing an increase in energy.

Yes, I did see some of my stomach issues dissipate. 

BUT:

Once I started eating solid foods regularly again--what I thought was healthy, wasn't.

I went from eating 200% of my daily portion of fruits and vegetables to eating 75% or less.

I saw a rapid loss in energy--either no energy or crashes throughout the day.

My stomach issues returned as soon as I started eating gluten and dairy again.

I had no actual understanding of nutrition.

All I knew was that I wasn't going to juice or be a vegetarian for the rest of my life.

So, I gained weight back PLUS some.

Then, I found AdvoCare.

I have this incredible understanding of my body and what I put in it now.

I know what it needs to get through the day.

I know that when I don't feel well it's because of what I've put in it. 

I now know to eat a clean and balanced diet.

Do I still love chocolate and wine? Yes.

Do I still indulge? Yes.

If I eat a clean diet 90% of the year--I can have those Reese's eggs and Cloudline Pinot Noir the other 10%. ;) 

I don't have to worry about gaining back the 25+ pounds I've lost.

Because I have an appreciation for my body.

I don't put bad things into it anymore.

I feel better, I look better and I know better now than I did before.

I Just Want To Be Wonderful

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to do something bigger than myself. 

I can remember when I was a freshman in high school we had to make these freshman binders--and they each included our own sort of "mission statement".

Mine was a quote:

I remember getting a lot of grief from my counselor about this quote.

I went to an all girl's private school--and we were being bred for success. 

I didn't want to make money? I just wanted to be wonderful? What did that even mean? 

I just wanted to make a difference.

I wanted to be remembered. 

I wanted to be different.

I still do.

I don't want to be famous or in history books anymore.

I just want to make an impact.

I want to inspire.

I want to make a change.

I just want to be wonderful. 

Where's The Fun In That?

A lot of you know that I don't drink anymore.

By that I mean I'll have a glass of wine once a month if that.

The last time I had a mixed drink? More than a year ago.

I'll have a beer if I go to a brewery or to a bar..but let me tell you how often that is.

I do enjoy alcohol--don't get me wrong! I think there are appropriate times to drink, but I always drink in moderation now. I couldn't tell you the last time I had more than 2 adult beverages in a night. Actually, I probably could. And it was over a year ago. 

Do I judge you if you drink?

No.

Well, maybe. But only if you're belligerent. 

Do I still want to hang out with you if you're drinking and I'm not?

Of course! 

Well, unless you're belligerent. 

It doesn't bother me one little bit to be the girl drinking water when everyone else is slamming down beers/vodka sprites/wine coolers.

So, why does it bother you?

I had my days (however short lived) of partying and thinking it was funny to have a little too much to drink.

But not anymore.

This weekend I heard "where's the fun in that?" in regards to me not drinking. 

Well, here's my answer:

I just don't see the fun in drinking until you're sick.

Do you like throwing up?

I didn't think so. Me either.

I just don't see the fun in being around people that are falling over they are so drunk.

Do you like making fun of people in a vulnerable state? 

You might. I don't. It's sad.

I just don't see the fun in watching girls lose all sense of their morals after one too many fruity drinks.

Do you like watching someone "hook up" with a complete stranger?

I don't.

I just don't see the fun in passing out in a lawn chair instead of in my bed.

Do you like sleeping outside in the cold over in a warm bed?

You might, I doubt it...but you might. I don't.

I just don't see the fun in waking up extremely 

sick.

Do you like feeling like crap in the morning? 

I don't.

Maybe it's because I feel like I've grown out of it.

Maybe it's because I don't feel the need to forget the night. 

Maybe it's because I don't like what it does to my body/skin/overall health.

Whatever my reasons are--what matters is that I never regret not drinking the night before.

Have you ever regretted drinking the night before? 

Be safe, y'all! 

xoxo

Time to Breathe

Well, I've made a decision and I just wanted to give every one the low down on it so there weren't any rumors or speculation. 

I'm taking a quarter (possibly two) off!!

I have been going non-stop for over a year with a full class load and working and being the perfectionist that I am..it's taken a toll on me. 

Then there are all of the things happening at home that I wish I was there for.

The people I wish I was there for.

Then of course there is this little thing called a wedding I have to prepare for.

Oh!

And it's not just MY wedding that is coming up, but also my best friend's, my future sister in law's, as well as another friend of mine all before December! Yippee! 

Therefore, I need to take a little time to breathe.
I need some time to gather myself and my thoughts.
I need a chance to close my eyes and take a deep breath.
I feel like I'm drowning.
I don't want to sink, I want to swim.

So.

I'm taking the summer quarter off to work and makes LOTS OF MONEY! Well, that's the plan anyway. I'll be working just about every chance I can get so that I can fully support myself for at least a little while if not the rest of the time until I get married. (eee!!!) 

Then in September I am going to take a trip home and stay for a few months--IF I can get someone to sublet my apartment! 

So, if you know anyone that would like to spend their fall quarter in downtown Seattle in a fully furnished apartment with some seriously sweet amenities, tell them to holler atcha girl. ;) 

Memories

FIRST I want to start off this blog post by saying I'm sorry:

I'm sorry for leaving all of my readers in the dark.

&&

I'm sorry for my lack of posts and updates. 

I've had a lot of stuff going on in my life and my blog has been set on the back burner.

Today I'm going to talk about the importance of photography.

A photograph captures a moment in time, sure. But it also captures so much more than that.

When you look back at photos from your childhood, high school, or even a week ago--it brings back memories.

Smells, sounds, and thoughts all come pouring back into your mind.

Whether you're a professional, shoot as a hobby, or even if you're just an instagrammer you know that every time you publish your work you have the ability to create memories and conjure up feelings from others. 

It's a connection we all have and don't realize it. The photo may mean nothing to you but it could mean the world to someone else. 

I've been really homesick lately and my mom sent me this photo the other day. She was so excited she caught Mason licking his nose in the photo. 

This simple photo made me think of the feeling of the thick grass in our backyard beneath my toes. The smell of the air, the dense feeling of southern summer air, the sound of the trees rustling and the annoying dog next door barking. This snapshot brought all of those memories back to me and made me instantly realize just how homesick I really am. 

The point of this post it that memories are important. Don't underestimate the power of a photo--even one taken on a cell phone. 

xoxo

My First Tutorial, Awe.

Hello lovely people!

 This is my first photoshop tutorial on something I really love to do. 

Retouch!

 This is a very basic skin retouching video--but it shows how easy it is to do, how to make things look natural and accomplish a lot with a little. 

I hope you enjoy it and like I say in the video--PLEASE give me some feedback! Let me know if I am moving too fast, too slow, not conveying enough information, etc. :)

Now that I've uploaded this first one--what do you really want to see? 

xoxo

I'm A Photographer.

All of you know (or should know) that I am a photographer. I attend the Art Institute of Seattle where I am earning my Bachelors Degree in Commercial Photography.

For my Marketing Class I will be integrating some of the things I have learned either on my own or in school. But what I need from you is what you would tips or techniques you would like to see!

Lighting?
Photoshop?
Posing?
Equipment?

I currently shoot with a Canon 7D and my favorite lens is my 50mm 1.4--it could be my favorite because I got it for Christmas so I'm still in that "it's brand new!" stage...or because I really love the quality of photos I get when I use it. Only time will tell, but I think it might be both. ;)

I just completed a course in which I shot and developed my own black and white film. That class seriously changed my outlook on photography. Sure, I love digital SO much and I loved shooting film before--but developing it all on your own and making your own prints is a different story.

All of my personal work will more than likely be in film and on my iPhone. That's one reason why most of the photos I post on here are from my iPhone. It's something that I always have on me, can upload immediately, and don't have to edit afterward.

I know there are so many aspiring photographers out there--so what is it that you want to know? I'll try to answer any and all questions you might have! What is it that you may want to learn? Please comment  and let me know!

xoxo

Bullies

A few days ago someone I know accused me of being a bully.

I know.

I'm not going to use this blog post to tell defend myself because everyone that knows me knows that is the furthest thing from the truth. But it did get me thinking--maybe there is someone in all of our lives, that seems like our own personal bully. What do I mean? I'll explain.

A bully is a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.

This doesn't necessarily mean that the bully is mean or that the bully even does these things intentionally. I think there is someone in all our lives that is stronger or more powerful that seems to intimidate us.

Bullies can come in all forms--sometimes we perceive people as bullies because our own insecurities are highlighted in their successes. Maybe the characteristics you see in the bully are actually the things you lack.

Maybe your bully is that person that always seems to be one step ahead of you.
Maybe your bully is that person that seems to have it all together.
Maybe your bully is the mom that is the head of the PTA, goes to all of her kid's games, works a full time job, makes dinner every night and still manages to go to the gym every day of the week.
Maybe your bully is the new employee that is already climbing the corporate ladder to the top when you've been there two years and are in the same position as you started.
Maybe your bully is a fellow student that always seems to come out on top.

Maybe your bully is yourself.

My bully is myself. I am my own worst critic. I have a constant anxiety over my grades, how others perceive me, how I am doing at work--I am almost always questioning myself instead of going with my instincts. I want need to be the best in everything I do, and when I'm not sure that I will be I have a tendency to shut down. I'm a perfectionist in the worst way. I would rather not try at all than to try and fail.

What is important is that we realize why we think this person is a bully. After we identify it--we can overcome it.

Words can also be a source of contention when it comes to bullying. Not everyone hears things the same way. We often misinterpret things when we already have a preconception about the person saying them. Our attitudes and feelings are playing into every word they say, every action they do, every look they give. Therefore a neutral statement may be misconstrued as a bullying remark simply based on how we view the person saying it--or even by what we may be going through at the time it is said. We might be overly sensitive to a subject, and unless that is known someone may upset us without knowing it.

This post isn't to say that bullying isn't a real issue--because it very much is so. I'm a huge anti-bullying advocate, I'm just saying that as an adult the way we see bullies has changed from when we were younger. Bullying is a very serious issue in the world today--especially with the internet being easily accessible and anonymous. If you know someone that is a victim of bullying, please be sure to report it. Without proper action--it cannot be stopped. Verbal bullying is the most common type of bullying--with 77% of students being verbally abused. If you don't ask questions, you may never know.

Join in on the pledge to end bullying, here.

xoxo

Bridesmaid Boxes!

In my last blog post I introduced y'all to my bridesmaids. Well, now here are the boxes I sent them to ask them! :) 

Everything about the boxes reflected my wedding--the colors, the theme, the sentiment of it all. We are going to have a very "down-home" feeling wedding, travel themed, vintage with the colors pale aqua, blush, and oatmeal with gold touches. I really wanted that to be clear in the boxes I sent them.

These shipping packages are just from the post office! 

Supplies:

Plain wooden boxes with a gold metal clasp from Jo-Ann's Fabric

Pale aqua paint

Pink tulle

Oatmeal colored doily

2 packs of scrapbook papers (travel themed and vintage flowers)

Pearls

Plain David Tutera cards

Burlap 

Washi tape

Hot glue gun

Paint brush

Scissors

Paint pens (black and white)

WHAT I DID:

I folded the tulle and wrapped the doily around it. 

 I painted the inside of the boxes/trim and added the vintage flower scrapbook paper to the inside top with hot glue. I then cut out pieces of paper from the travel scrapbook pack and wrote on that and glued it as well. Then I hot glued the pearls all the way around the inside/top. 

I also hot glued the travel scrapbook paper to the top of the box and then wrote their name with a black paint pen.

I also made little burlap bows that I put a "happy" in for each of them. I gave my bridesmaids a neutral colored lipgloss and just slid it inside the bow. :) 

I also "made" the cards I sent them--I took plain cards and cut washi tape to fit over the front cover, and used a paint pen to draw the first letter of their name. 

And then on the inside I wrote why I wanted them to be a part of my wedding day and how much they all mean to me! 

If you did something special to ask your bridesmaids--what was it?!

Also, if you were to get a "happy" what would you want? I had a hard time deciding what I wanted to send them. Nail polish? Earrings? Lip gloss? Let me know!

xoxo