Bullies

A few days ago someone I know accused me of being a bully.

I know.

I'm not going to use this blog post to tell defend myself because everyone that knows me knows that is the furthest thing from the truth. But it did get me thinking--maybe there is someone in all of our lives, that seems like our own personal bully. What do I mean? I'll explain.

A bully is a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.

This doesn't necessarily mean that the bully is mean or that the bully even does these things intentionally. I think there is someone in all our lives that is stronger or more powerful that seems to intimidate us.

Bullies can come in all forms--sometimes we perceive people as bullies because our own insecurities are highlighted in their successes. Maybe the characteristics you see in the bully are actually the things you lack.

Maybe your bully is that person that always seems to be one step ahead of you.
Maybe your bully is that person that seems to have it all together.
Maybe your bully is the mom that is the head of the PTA, goes to all of her kid's games, works a full time job, makes dinner every night and still manages to go to the gym every day of the week.
Maybe your bully is the new employee that is already climbing the corporate ladder to the top when you've been there two years and are in the same position as you started.
Maybe your bully is a fellow student that always seems to come out on top.

Maybe your bully is yourself.

My bully is myself. I am my own worst critic. I have a constant anxiety over my grades, how others perceive me, how I am doing at work--I am almost always questioning myself instead of going with my instincts. I want need to be the best in everything I do, and when I'm not sure that I will be I have a tendency to shut down. I'm a perfectionist in the worst way. I would rather not try at all than to try and fail.

What is important is that we realize why we think this person is a bully. After we identify it--we can overcome it.

Words can also be a source of contention when it comes to bullying. Not everyone hears things the same way. We often misinterpret things when we already have a preconception about the person saying them. Our attitudes and feelings are playing into every word they say, every action they do, every look they give. Therefore a neutral statement may be misconstrued as a bullying remark simply based on how we view the person saying it--or even by what we may be going through at the time it is said. We might be overly sensitive to a subject, and unless that is known someone may upset us without knowing it.

This post isn't to say that bullying isn't a real issue--because it very much is so. I'm a huge anti-bullying advocate, I'm just saying that as an adult the way we see bullies has changed from when we were younger. Bullying is a very serious issue in the world today--especially with the internet being easily accessible and anonymous. If you know someone that is a victim of bullying, please be sure to report it. Without proper action--it cannot be stopped. Verbal bullying is the most common type of bullying--with 77% of students being verbally abused. If you don't ask questions, you may never know.

Join in on the pledge to end bullying, here.

xoxo