Mirror Mirror

I am 24 years old, and I am THE healthiest I have ever been. 

I am also the most self conscious I've ever been.

I don't know quite when it happened.

I've always been a really confident person! 

I've always had a great body image--despite being plus size since middle school.

I've always loved life and myself.

Then one day...something changed.

I couldn't tell you when it happened, but I do know that it did.

Last night I was in bed with my husband, CRYING my eyes out. 

I weigh myself up to 5 times a day.

I look in the mirror every morning and scrutinize my body.

I take every glance someone gives me and take it as direct criticism.

I don't eat greasy, fast, or fried food.

I take supplements.

I eat vegetables at every meal.

I don't eat dairy, or wheat.

I drink half my weight in water.

I eat as cleanly as I can.

This morning I woke up, went to weigh myself as is my routine--but something was different.

 Something was missing.

My scale was gone.

My "weight chart" was gone.

My life seemed off balance.

Then, it seemed at peace.

Just for a moment, I felt relieved. 

Joe and I made a deal last night.

I won't step on a scale again until my birthday.

I'm going to continue living my healthy lifestyle.

I'm not going to continue the unhealthy habits. 

I've gotta learn to love my whole self again.

One day at a time.

Homemade Balsamic Vinegar Dressing

I love homemade stuff.

For one, it saves money.

For two, I like knowing what is going into my body--no foreign ingredients when you make it yourself!

For three, I enjoy making things myself.

The other day we ran out of our balsamic vinegar dressing and I got to thinking....

"I could probably make this myself and save money...can't be that hard, right?"

It's not. 

It's so easy.

First off, buy some balsamic vinegar. I bought the organic kind--it's cheap and organic (which is important to me)--but buy whatever your heart desires.

If you buy the expensive stuff it will taste better and less like vinegar.

If you buy the cheap stuff you can boil it down and you won't be able to tell the difference.

OR you can add some brown sugar to help with the taste.
OR if you like the taste of vinegar--don't do anything. I didn't because I like the tangy taste that vinegar gives.

With all that being said, this is my recipe!

1/2 cup balsamic vinegar (or 1 cup boiled down to a 1/2 cup)
1/4 cup of grape seed oil*
2 teaspoons no sugar added dijon mustard

Put all ingredients into a container. (I used a wide mouth pint sized mason jar)
Shake.

THAT'S IT.
Seriously.
It's that easy.
And it's delicious!

Now I mentioned you could add brown sugar if it was too sour/vinegary for you--if so, add 1-2 teaspoons of brown sugar.
You can also add some spices if you want--but I'm all for simplicity.
*You may use other oils--but DON'T use olive oil. It will not taste as good if you do. Safflower, sunflower and avocado oils are other good choice. Coconut oil is not a good option because it will become a solid in the refrigerator.

Enjoy!

xoxo

Books Nourish my Thirsty Soul

I have always been a reader. 

I've always loved books and the places they could take me. 

I've always loved the characters that could seem like my best friends--

I knew what they were thinking--

what they were feeling--

I went through their struggles and heartaches with them--

they made mistakes so that I didn't have to--

although sometimes I did make the same ones…often with the same outcome.

I learned life lessons from the characters in so many books.

I don't get the same fulfillment from watching television or movies that I do from reading a book.

My entire body feels the stories I read.

My eyes strain from reading too long--

my head begins to ache because I've been absentmindedly clutching at my hair--

my wrists become sore from resting my chin upon my hand for too long when I've become enthralled by the story--

my body becomes stiff from being in the same unusual position for extended amounts of time.

But my soul? 

My soul….feel nourished.

I am rereading the Harry Potter series and just stayed up finishing the first book.

I have been going through so many ups and downs lately with things going on in my personal life--

and Albus Dumbledore (okay… technically J.K. Rowling) told me exactly what I needed to hear.

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that."

"After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."

"The trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them."

"Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the things itself."

"The truth." "It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution."

The great thing about rereading a book is that each time I do I'm at a different place in my life.

Since I'm on a much different journey now than I was the first time I read this book, (considering things weren't too difficult or thought provoking in middle school) things I just skimmed over before have such greater meanings now. The friendships are what popped out at me before--oh how wonderful it is to have friends that will stand up to you and for you, friends that would risk their lives to save you, friends that would do anything just to make you happy. 

There are so many lessons we learn daily that we probably take for granted.

We get caught up in what is happening on our phones, in school, at work…and forget to live our lives.

We're too busy dreaming about what could be instead of relishing in what is.

Make the most of life and live every moment as a new adventure.

Don't be afraid to conquer your fears face on. (A Voldemort joke for ya!)

Lastly, seek the truth…you may not always like the outcome, but find beauty in the truth. 

It can change your life.

xoxo

Breakfast in a Bacon Bowl

This morning I made the easiest breakfast in a long time.

And it was delicious.

Seriously delicious.

I mean…it's bacon. Real bacon. Not processed turkey bacon.
Of COURSE it's delicious.

This is how I made them!

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Use a muffin tin and wrap bacon around the inside of one muffin holder. 

Cut the bacon where it just begins to overlap and use the extra piece to put on the bottom of the pan to create your cup.

Do this for as many cups as you would like to make.

Place in the oven for 5-7 minutes. You want the bacon to be slightly cooked.

While the bacon is cooking I grabbed a handful of spinach, washed and rinsed it and squeezed all of the excess water out. Then I finely chopped it up. 

Now when it comes out I used a paper towel to get the grease out…but I think next time I'll take the bacon out completely and clean out the grease that has pooled in the bottom, then replace the bacon.

I put enough spinach to cover the bottom of the cups but not to fill them up. Probably halfway full (those who know me know that I don't measure anything..so even paying attention to this is a first for me).

I recommend separating the egg yolks and the whites before starting the next step…it will save you some great headache. Because although you think "surely an entire egg will fit in here…" it won't. It will however create a big gooey mess. 

Add the yolk to the cup and then enough egg white to fill the cup!

Place back in the over for 15 minutes.

Pull out, marvel at the beauty you've just created…and ENJOY!

Season with pepper, paprika, or your favorite spice!
Pair with some fresh fruit and you've got an incredibly easy and clean breakfast.
Oh...and delicious, we can't forget that.



*If you don't like eggs but will eat egg whites--just forgo the yolk all together! It will also make this a little healthier. But I just think if you're wrapping it in bacon, might as well go for the whole egg. ;)

**An easy way to separate the yolks from the whites while keeping the yolks in tact is by using a water bottle. It's super easy and if you're easily amused (like I am) it will be fun, too. 

Just crack the egg in a bowl, take an empty water bottle--squeeze it in the middle and then hover just over the egg yolk. When you release the bottle from your squeeze it will suck up with yolk into the water bottle! After that just squeeze the bottle again, this time over the bacon cup and it will go right in! 

You're welcome. 

xoxo

Time Doesn't Stand Still After All

I'm sure we all wish we could go back in time for one reason or another.

For some it's to fix a mistake.

Others want to take back what they said.

Certain people may just want a second chance.

I just want more time.

I lost my time once before with the first man I ever loved and lost.

I don't want it to happen again.

I wish I would've listened more.

I wish I would've asked him more about what it was like when he grew up.

I wish I would've sat and listened to him talk.

I wish I would've held on to his hugs a little tighter, a little longer.

I wish I would've given him one more kiss before he left.

Luckily I haven't lost my chance yet.

There's STILL time.

Right?

Yet, I don't feel as if it's enough.

Will it ever be enough?

Is it in fact too late?

I can still listen.

I can still talk to him about what it was like when he was growing up.

I can still sit there late at night and listen to him talk.

I can still hug a little tighter, a little longer.

I can still give him one more kiss before he goes.

Right?

Don't take your family for granted.

Life is a precious gift and not a guarantee.

Don't forget to listen.

Don't forget to ask questions.

Don't hesitate to ask them.

They aren't stupid.

You'll feel stupid for not asking them later.

Remember all that time you thought you had?

Where did it all go?

What does it mean now?

I could kick myself for all the times I complained about spending time with family,

For all the times I rolled my eyes when my mom told me to record the stories he was telling,

Even more so when I didn't want to talk to them on the phone.

Who does that?!

I wish I could go back and have more time.

More time to spend at their house, sitting on the floor.

More time on the phone, talking about nothing in particular. 

More time observing.

More time laughing.

Less time rolling my eyes.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what I am missing out on.

Thinking about what I'm missing does me no good.

Crying does me no good.

Being active does a lot of good.

So I'm going to make more time.

Take the time to call your loved ones.

Take the time to ask for advice.

Take the time to talk about the past.

Take the time to listen.

Take the time.

Tell them you love them.

Tell them.

xoxo

That Was a Long Intermission...

So I took a break. 

A LONG break. 

From so much more than just blogging.

I took a break from school.

I took a break from people.

I took a break from bad habits.

I took a break from negative energy.

I took a break from my old self.

I like to think of it as an intermission. 

I had a pretty rough first act, so I took a long intermission to come back strong in my second act.

And now here I am.

What happened during this intermission?

Well you all know I got engaged. (that was my saving grace at the end of the first act) ;) 

I found AdvoCare and lost 30 pounds.

I'm literally a shadow of my former self. I still have a long way to go--but I have come so far from where I was.

I took a few quarters off from school. NO that does not mean that I dropped out. I AM coming back and finishing school. I just had a ton going on and it was a better idea to take a long break than a bunch of short-ish ones and get behind in my classes.

My two best friends got married. But not to each other. My best friend Audriana got married in September, and my very best friend and brother Drew got married in November! 

I became an Aunt! My sweet nephew Jayden was born in August! 

I moved out of my very first apartment.

I moved into my very first house.

I focused my time and energy on friends and family.

I bought my first and very own car!

I found my niche.

I traveled.

I adventured.

I planned.

I opened myself up. 

I made decisions.

I prayed.

I ran. 

I became the very best version of myself.

I  g r e w  u p.

But not too much. ;) 

But don't worry. It's a new year, and I'm back. 

I've got a lot on my mind and a lot to blog about. 

I'll keep you posted. 

xoxo